Untying the Knot: A Journey of Healing and Recovery During Gay Divorce — Part 1: Navigating the Unexpected Turns

Allan Johnson, PhD
8 min readJun 10

Welcome to part 1 of 10 of Untying the Knot: A Journey of Healing and Recovery During Gay Divorce. In this groundbreaking book, I embark on an unconventional adventure through the emotional landscape of divorce in the LGBTQ+ community. It explores attachment styles and how they shape relationships, offering guidance on healthy attachment and building resilience. It also addresses the process of rebuilding strength and confidence, providing practical tips and strategies for rediscovering one’s identity and embracing a future filled with hope and possibilities.

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

Welcome to the rollercoaster ride of divorce, rainbow style! Fasten your seatbelts, dear reader, because we’re about to dive into the world where ‘happily ever after’ has taken an unexpected turn and the ensuing shock, anger, bargaining, and depression might feel like it will never go away. Perhaps your journey has brought you to a crossroads where the bond gradually faded until one day it died out altogether. Or perhaps the decision to separate was sudden and surprising. However it occurs, the end of a marriage or long-term relationship leaves a trail of complex emotions: heartbreak, confusion, and deep pain. Yet in the midst of these difficult moments lies the potential for a beautiful and transformative future in which you can rediscover your own strength, rewrite your story, and forge new paths full of hope, joy, and endless possibilities.

Up until now, surprisingly little has been written about being a gay divorcee. There are loads of books out there on divorce, but they are written with straight readers in mind. When it comes to the pain and trauma of divorce much of the advice in those books is relevant to anyone going through the pain and trauma of divorce, however gay divorce brings some unique angles that aren’t usually considered. Why is it important to shine a spotlight on gay divorce? Because the journey of separation and recovery can bring up a whole range of different complexities and nuance for LGBTQ+ people.

For many gay people going through divorce, the sense of loss goes beyond the end of the marital relationship. In many cases, divorce means not only the dissolution of a partnership, but also marks another…

Allan Johnson, PhD

Academic | Writer | Mindfulness | Author of Alan Hollingurst and the Vitality of Influence (Palgrave) and Masculine Identity in Modernist Literature (Palgrave).